In a paddock on a farm, a cow looks blankly at a man covertly providing advice on being a cow. Cow tipping has never been less stressful for a cow.

This isn’t the most useful piece of information a cow could receive, seeing as the tip provided is for a reflex that comes naturally to all ruminants.

I can recall observing a cow chewing its cuds during my years assisting with milking. It would chew for a while, then swallow. A visible lump could be seen travelling down the length of the neck. After a short amount of time, the cow would make a slight gulping noise and the bulge / lump would return up the cow’s throat to its mouth and the cow would happily continue chewing. I watched for a few iterations and then must have become distracted by something else.

While it would make a good party trick, I can’t imagine repeatedly chewing on previously swallowed grass would be very tasty, but then taste is subjective and cows must enjoy it or they wouldn’t be doing it.

Personally, I think they could have more fun by installing a spittoon and occasionally aiming for that with pre-digested grass.

When I was thinking of some cow tipping variations from the norm, my first instinct was to have someone giving horse racing tips to the cow. I liked this idea, but the information wasn’t very pertinent to cows, so I opted for a tip that might benefit a cow over a betting tip.

This reminds me of the Police Squad! series in which there was a shoe-shine guy named Johnny. He knew a lot about everything and while he shined his clients’ shoes, he provided them with technical advice relative to their given vocations (for a fee of course).